I hope I’m not about to sour anyone’s mood. I don’t think anyone should give up on the possibility of truly symbiotic relationships and I do think that if you’re having a hard time finding someone right for you, that it’s important to keep checking the dating personals until you find someone you’re really happy with. At the same time, sometimes it’s important to remember that lots of people go through hard times and that keeping yourself in a positive frame of mind is difficult.

It’s the cliches that cause all the problems. Seriously, whoever said, categorically, that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, clearly hasn’t met my brother’s ex-wife. We’re talking crazy with a capital “lunatic.” It wasn’t so much of a symbiotic relationship as it was a parasitic one. The scars this woman left on him will be long lasting and I really don’t think whatever fleeting moments of happiness he may have had or lessons he may have learned can compensate.

The problem is that, while trust in relationships is extremely important, it can also leave you open to all kinds of pain if things go wrong. It’s hard enough to find someone you can get along with without having the nagging feeling that, if you trust them, they’ll betray you.

We don’t fall accidentally in love. It seems that way sometimes, when things move quickly, but the fact is that we’re attracted to people because we like them and we see something of value in them. When you open yourself up to trust and the relationship goes wrong, you lose more than your faith in that person. You start doubting how well you can judge character and whether you have the right perspective on people.

When you really love someone, when you really can’t imagine yourselves without them or that they would do anything to hurt you, then a breach of trust can change your entire worldview. It may be true that it is better to be optimistic and open-minded to new possibilities and that a positive attitude if healthier. However, it’s unreasonable to expect this of people who have never had things go their way.

I’m really not trying to encourage people to be suspicious. My intention is quite the opposite. I just want to acknowledge that it can be hard out there so that people will take me seriously when I say that it’s important not to give up. The fact is everyone is capable of living up to their responsibilities. If someone you love betrays your trust, it doesn’t mean you were wrong to trust them, but that they made a poor choice. I think it’s hard, but it’s always noble to give people the benefit of the doubt.

(original article)