One of the most difficult things I have found is trying to negotiate the treacherous waters of “finding other singles”.

It’s tricky - a group of apparently single people at a club or pub might simply be a circle of friends out enjoying the evening - wives escaping their sports mad husbands - or husbands escaping the house to watch sport on the pub’s big screen.
No one carries a sign with them saying “Single and looking” - otherwise life would be much easier! And a guy approaching a woman in a club or pub is, as I have said before, tantamount to taking your life in your own hands.

That was the one attractive draw card of internet dating - a place where you knew the other person was single.

But I have come to believe that the business of immediately diving into a series of first, and ultimately BLIND dates is just a waste of time. It is better to nurture a relationship - start being friends, find out about the person - do they leave the toothpaste cap off the tube?

I have also had my fill of friends setting me up to meet their single friends. A lovely idea - but the anticipation and expectation of that first meeting weighs heavy on the shoulders.

Perhaps this whole thing is the wrong way around. Is it not a case of firming up the social circle you are in - developing that, without expectation, without seeking anything more than just a bigger group of friends. And then, later, see if things progress naturally with someone within that greater circle…

Does anyone really know the answer - or do we just make this up as we go along?

(original article)